In order to keep my sanity today at the office…because my bosses aren’t here…I went to the kitchen and (bless my lucky stars) found 3 dozen donuts sitting on the counter. Starving, I grabbed one thinking no one would mind…until some lady came into the room and said “Excuse me, are you with our company?! This is a promotion breakfast!” Shoving the rest of the donut in my mouth I shrugged and mumbled something about leaving and shuffled down the hallway and ran into the bathroom. I couldn’t go straight to my office because I didn’t want her knowing where I worked. Sighs. What’s the world coming to when a person can’t even eat 1 donut…out of 3 dozen?!
After hanging out with some grad students from Duke for the past couple of weekends I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re a bunch of narcissist fucks. Pretty harsh YES I KNOW! But it needs to be said. For instance:
Me: “So…what are you studying here at Duke?”
Duke Girl: “Well it’s my 5th year in biochemistry…I’m working on my phD obviously. Did you even go to college?”
Me: “Oh neat! Yeah, I graduated in December and I was actually a biochemistry major too. I don’t think research is for me though, it’s pretty tough. I tried to do undergrad research last semester…it just wasn’t my thing.”
Duke Girl: “I work with cancer research and the genetics involved with people. What did you do?”
Me: “Oh well it was mostly molecular plant biology…genetics with plants you know. Not exactly the same thing but…same realm I guess.”
Duke Girl: “Actually not really. So what are you even doing here now?”
Me: “You mean in NC?”
Duke Girl: “Do you not even go to duke? Ohhh…” (turns her back to me)
Wow thanks duke girl. You’re a peach. I’m glad we have people like you working on cancer research in a lab rather than interact with patients in real life…coz you’re a freaking BITCH.
Case and point. However, I can’t generalize this to everyone…most were friendly enough where they would chat up a storm…ABOUT THEMSELVES…I mean it was okay for an hour but after 3 to 4 hours of hanging out with people who were talking about much money they were going to make or how they knew people making so much money made me want to just keep buying more drinks. Sighs. I guess the one thing I’m gaining from this is learning how to up my tolerance. Because when hanging out with this crowd…I’m going to need to drink lots and learn to hold it.
“Austrailia…that’s my horsie’s name! And he is going to POOP on you!”
-my boss’s 4 year old son
“Oh he shouldn’t do that…that’s not nice!”
-me
“Oh yeah?! Well if he’s not going to poop on you he’s going to poop on him!”
-little boy, throwing his stuffed horse at the man at the next table in the restaurant
“Matthew! What did you just do?!”
-my boss
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK MY BOSS FOR REMINDING ME WHY I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE KIDS. EVER.
First off, I would just like to apologize for not writing on this in awhile. Things have been crazy…for instance, I graduated, moved, got a new job…all the while thinking woohooo this is going to be so much better because I won’t have to study and I’ll get to meet hot real world men and do whatever the fuck I want after office hours. Did I mention I’m an idiot? Let me tell you the reasons why…
1. I graduated college…how could this be a good thing?! Looking around at the much older crowd I hang out with now…(and by older I mean near retirement and when I say hang out I mean exchange pleasantries with at the office) I am quickly regretting the fact that I left my younger peers behind. All the binge drinking, the promiscuous activity that was TOTALLY acceptable because we’re all young and crazy, and of course the endless amounts of people you meet. I remember just stepping outside of my apartment and already there was someone to talk to about school, the weather, you name it. Now when I walk outside, I’m the only person that hears my endless ranting about how fucking cold it is outside.
2. Moving…first off moving is always hard when you’ve left loved ones back in your former hometown. Then moving to a place where it’s all uppity snobs well I mean…take your pick. I spent last weekend having a conversation about the sexist attitudes of men in the medical field and what female lawyers can do to stop it. This was with a 26-year old law student…someone shoot me. I just wanted to say do you even remember how to play quarters or kings anymore? How about just being stupid and getting so drunk you danced on a table and did a keg stand? Just a thought…
3. The new job…now this should be the most exciting. Sure it would be except for the fact that…my bosses…who are the only two people I share my office with…are MARRIED to each other. I mean you can’t get any better than that can you? I walk into work each morning and the first people I see…I get to talk to them about children, furniture, a great place to buy a house, babysitters, and pets. Oh joy. I’m so excited for valentine’s day this year.
On that note, not that I’m bitter or anything…I just want to say that stay in college as long as you can because seriously people in the real world seem to have forgotten how to have fun…and believe me it IS disappointing.
Dear guy I hooked up with last year,
First off, I was not expecting to see you this weekend because you graduated last year but thanks for NOT making it awkward. Seriously, way to be awesome about the whole situation. You’ve actually been awesome since the very beginning and I appreciate that because I hooked up with you because I was pissed off because a relationship had just ended. Don’t get me wrong, you were not a revenge hook-up. Regardless thanks for being nice about it the next morning after even though I was kind of an ass and said “this does not mean we’re dating, and this does not mean we’re telling anyone.” You seem to be doing okay for yourself now and I’m glad! It was good bumping into you this weekend, actually.
- 318girl
Proposed addition to urbandictionary.com:
no game: n. the male species as a whole.
Let me recap the beginning of my Saturday night to you and I’ll let you come to the conclusion that this could have been easily avoided had this guy grown a pair. I along with another one of my friends got dragged to Ho House by another friend because apparently there was a 21st birthday going on and she said she’d show up. So we go and we don’t know anybody which was fine. Our friend goes off and mingles with the group she wanted to meet up with while my other friend and I order drinks and grab a table. All is well, we were having a good time. Keep in mind that all the while an hour passes by and nobody really makes the effort to come up and say anything to us. So we go on figuring out what the rest of our night is going to look like and all 3 of us decide to leave.
I get up to put my jacket on and get ready to leave and begin to walk out of the bar… all the while my friend is behind me telling me to come back. She catches up with me and says, “that guy was tapping you on the shoulder,” and in all honesty… I couldn’t feel it, there were so many people around, I figured I was the asshole bumping into people while I was putting my jacket on. As we walk out of the building she says to me, “I think he was trying to talk to you because he began to follow you out but then his friends kept asking him questions and by then you had already left.” That is very nice of this person, I honestly don’t remember him doing any of this, but I feel like we were at this bar for a decent amount of time. There was plenty of time for “straight macking” or “A-game” but if you’re going to fail to bust it out early on in the night… don’t count on doing it 2 seconds before a girl leaves after you’ve ignored the fact that she was sitting right in front of you the whole night.
I swear everytime I write a blog entry it has to do with guys not having game. It’s beginning to feel like reciting the rules of Fight Club.
Rule #1 You do NOT talk about Fight Club
Rule #2 You do NOT talk about Fight Club
318 girls version:
Rule #1: You MUST grow a pair/bust out some game
Rule #2: You MUST grow a pair/bust out some game
pretty sure i just heard some belligerent boy outside shout “i blacked out having sex!!
— 318 friend, contributor by way of UVA.
So everyone that wanted to party with football players/basketball players/college pseudo-celebs was at The OC this weekend. I didn’t go because more times than not, I’m not trying to get pelvic thrusted by a rando who wants to roofie my drink.
Apparently, when you’re a shining sports star, you don’t even need roofies to get girls. Pseudo-fame is just enough… or so you think. I’ve had so many friends tell me that they’ve gotten sketchy calls this weekend from these guys wanting ass… and the funny thing is, they’re just straight up blunt about it.
Ex 1 (as my roomate mentioned earlier): Super good FB player calling up one of our friends saying “wanna fuck?”
Ex 2: My friend at the club and some rando BB player saying, “Do you like to give head?”
Ex 3: FB Player, “You probably want to fuck me so here’s your chance”
Um are you serious? Do you think you’re so amazing that you can just go around not even trying? I mean unless you’re Tyrod Taylor, who do you think you are going around asking if you can just casually stick it in?! Ha… geeze at least buy the girls a drink first. Nobody wants to do a red-shirted Freshman or 3rd string QB.
