January 2008
4 posts
Confession
In order to keep my sanity today at the office…because my bosses aren’t here…I went to the kitchen and (bless my lucky stars) found 3 dozen donuts sitting on the counter. Starving, I grabbed one thinking no one would mind…until some lady came into the room and said “Excuse me, are you with our company?! This is a promotion breakfast!” Shoving the rest of the...
Duke kids...pretentious or just under false...
After hanging out with some grad students from Duke for the past couple of weekends I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re a bunch of narcissist fucks. Pretty harsh YES I KNOW! But it needs to be said. For instance: Me: “So…what are you studying here at Duke?” Duke Girl: “Well it’s my 5th year in biochemistry…I’m working on my phD obviously....
“Austrailia…that’s my horsie’s name! And he is going to POOP on you!” -my boss’s 4 year old son “Oh he shouldn’t do that…that’s not nice!” -me “Oh yeah?! Well if he’s not going to poop on you he’s going to poop on him!” -little boy, throwing his stuffed horse at the man at the next table in the restaurant...
The Real World...nothing like what MTV said...
First off, I would just like to apologize for not writing on this in awhile. Things have been crazy…for instance, I graduated, moved, got a new job…all the while thinking woohooo this is going to be so much better because I won’t have to study and I’ll get to meet hot real world men and do whatever the fuck I want after office hours. Did I mention I’m an idiot? Let me...
December 2007
3 posts
A thank you note!
Dear guy I hooked up with last year, First off, I was not expecting to see you this weekend because you graduated last year but thanks for NOT making it awkward. Seriously, way to be awesome about the whole situation. You’ve actually been awesome since the very beginning and I appreciate that because I hooked up with you because I was pissed off because a relationship had just ended....
Lack of game = lack of any action potential.
Proposed addition to urbandictionary.com: no game: n. the male species as a whole. Let me recap the beginning of my Saturday night to you and I’ll let you come to the conclusion that this could have been easily avoided had this guy grown a pair. I along with another one of my friends got dragged to Ho House by another friend because apparently there was a 21st birthday going on and she said...
Why bad kissers don't get to second base →
Or maybe it’s because a bad kiss is a prelude to bad sex. A red flag…
November 2007
11 posts
“pretty sure i just heard some belligerent boy outside shout “i blacked out...”
– 318 friend, contributor by way of UVA.
Must have left your game on the field/court
So everyone that wanted to party with football players/basketball players/college pseudo-celebs was at The OC this weekend. I didn’t go because more times than not, I’m not trying to get pelvic thrusted by a rando who wants to roofie my drink.
Apparently, when you’re a shining sports star, you don’t even need roofies to get girls. Pseudo-fame is just enough… or so...
Overheard on the drill field
Guy 1: Yo man, there are WAYYYYY more gay people in Maryland than Virginia!
Guy 2: No way, Washington, DC is the 8th gayest city in the US! Did you check Maryland's stats?!
Guy 1: No... but it's really gay!
Guy 2: Well Maryland's slogan is not "Virginia is for Lovers" - that includes gay people too.
SERIOUSLY! HEARD THIS.
“Wow Beamer’s actually smiling cause Tech beat FSU! You know he’s...”
football players and beautiful girlfriends...wtf
So I totally noticed today that all of the football players…no matter how ugly they are (sorry Glennon but this includes you) have amazingly gorgeous girlfriends. Not that I’m jealous or anything…I mean really it makes sense…being a well-known football player they can get any ass they want. GO FIGURE. But then I think to myself wtf is wrong with these guys in that they have...
Possible party ideas:
1) We could have a cadet party. NO FRESHMAN. Actually, Jr./ Sr. cadets only. They wouldn’t be allowed to talk. The only time they’d be allowed to open their mouths would be to make out. That would be an awesome party.
2) ….
Conversing across the upstairs hallway...
318 girl: FUCK HIM AND HIS DICK!
318 girl 2: except for NOT REALLY!
Like the morning after pill...
318 girl: well he's not someone you would not look at..
318 girl 2: that doesn't sound very good
318 girl: no, it's not that... like he's attractive but I mean he's not like "do me"
318 girl: say you're in a bar, and you scan it, he's not the first guy you pick out... he's like, plan B if plan A doesn't work out
318 girl 2: you mean... like the morning after pill?
“We could run through the cadet dorms and if a penis happens to slip in, then...”
– On talking about how guys are full of BS and how cadet boys are ideal in that their bods are hot and we wouldn’t have to like them for their minds/personalities.
“I’ve only had sex with him ONCE with my contacts in, the rest of the times...”
– 318 girl
“I’m graduating in December. I can’t spend my last couple of months...”
– 318 girl who is sick of this kid’s BS
October 2007
39 posts
Dear Students, GET SOME!
So my friend and I were fighting the chub at the gym today and as we’re walking out a bowl of candy catches our eye. What better way to send 4 miles of sweat and tears down the drain than by eating a kit kat bar? Anyway, as we reach for the candy, a bowl of squares demands our attention. Upon further inspection, it’s a bowl of CONDOMS! Ahaha… it was so amazing. It said...
Dear Boston College, VT has major beef with you.
BW: I HATE BC! I was so pumped at first. I stood in the rain the whole game. I thought we were gonna win. I was ready to rush the field.
318 girl: Yeah, I don't want to talk about it, it's too depressing.
BW: That game was such a COCKBLOCK!
318 girl: did you meet a girl or something?
BW: Yeah, I did. She was really cute, we were like into each other. Celebrating everytime we scored a touchdown. Like jumping up and down... hands interlocking, everything!
318 girl: ask her to the date party!
BW: I was totally going to ask her out to lunch this week after the game but we lost so I was really sad and was just silent the last 2 minutes of the game so I never asked her!
318 girl: ANOTHER REASON TO HATE BC! BC = cockblock. BC would FAIL as a wingman.
YOU ARE A DOUCHE!
I met a friend for lunch today at Ho Grill (Hokie Grill) and as you all know during the lunch rush, it is almost impossible to find a place to sit. I was lucky and ran into my roomate who was just about to leave so I was like this is GREAT! I put my stuff down on the seat to mark my territory. I figured a freaking backpack would be sufficient in holding this table seeing as the table next to me...
Slightly excited for lunch with a friend tomorrow
Me: plus i have a ton of awesome stuff planned for tomorrow
Friend: like lunch
Me: exactly
Thanks? I think...
So I was on the phone with my friend who moved to Seattle (because he SUCKS) and somehow we got to talking about one of the last times we hung out and this is how the conversation went:
Him: Oh, I remember that, YOU LOOKED TERRIBLE!
Me: [Redacted], I had the freaking flu, jerk!
Him: Yeah you looked really bad, I mean, it looked like you needed a hug but I didn't want to die.
Me: Uhh.. thanks for reminding me about how incredibly bad I looked. I really appreciate that. Ew, AND you made me watch Sean of the Dead
Him: I thought it would make you feel better. I like the Irish spelling of Sean.
Me: Are you going to give your kid an Irish name?
Him: No, if I adopted a kid from somewhere exotic, I would name him Jumanji.
: :SILENCE::
Thanks alcohol...
Did I not totally call Halloween weekend as a destroyer of relationships? Not just girlfriend-boyfriend ones, but friend ones as well…
Example:
There’s this guy screaming outside my house (well near it, close enough that I can hear every word he is saying from my room). He’s yelling at this girl who is crying and he’s saying “You’re a fucking...
Props to the GREEN
So this story happened to one of my guy friends…totally true and proven that first off guys don’t think and second…well…guys these days have no game either. Here’s what happened: My friend had gone a little crazy early in the night with some mary jane knowing that all he does with it is pass out. So we all warn him that this time would be like no other and he would...
Eff.
Why is it that guys call you/contact you right when you’ve put your life back together?
Is there some secret e-mail that they get that says “Hey Brosky, she’s not miserable because of you anymore, she’s smiling these days, make it so she takes two steps backwards… and go!?”
WTF. I’m starting to think such a thing exists.
Lost in interpretation...
It is no secret that guys HATE talking on the phone. In my experience, no matter who it was I was dating at the time (with maybe the exception of the first guy who I seriously think may actually be gay and closeted), NONE of them were phone people. Fine, WE GET IT! Guys, we know you’re lazy and work hard to make it so you can exert as little effort as possible with regards to doing ANYTHING,...
Call for Guest Bloggers!!!
You know the 318 girls love to bitch and moan and we figured hey, why not give it a rest and let YOU, our AMAZING READERS get a chance to share some of your stories.
For those of you dying for your debut in the 318 girls spotlight, all you have to do is e-mail us your story/mishap. You can send your entries to 318girls@gmail.com and of course we’ll read over them and our favorites will be...
Watch“Brohemian Rhapsody” via College Humor.
Freaking brilliant.
“You know it’s a bad sign when the words “Jesus” and...”
– 318 girls
The root of the problem.
Let’s get down to the bottom of this shall we?
You guys have written (which is great, keep doing it) and told us in person (for those of you lucky enough to call us friends) that we bitch and moan too much and while that’s is completely true (we’re NOT denying this), have you ever stopped and thought, maybe, just maybe the blame can be placed on one simple thing?
I propose...
White t-shirt challenge!
Yes, I said white t-shirt challenge… NOT to be confused with wet t-shirt contest.
You may be wondering what the hell this is… have no fear asshole, 318 girls will come to the rescue and fill you in.
This “challenge” is something we’ve dicussed for awhile. Ever notice how you’re not attracting the people you want to be attracting? Are your relationships not...
it's called...WEAR A SIGN!
So being the chronic drinker I am, I went downtown last night and saw this guy who was in one of my classes over the summer. Well in a drinking setting, as you all know, it’s totally appropriate to call out someone you have seen but haven’t actually met and go “You look familiar!” Being bored and feeling conversational, I said those exact words and the guy comes over and...
BUD motherfreaking FOSTER... that's who.
I would just like everyone to know that I SAW Bud Foster yesterday. I don’t know what was more exciting, the day I ran into Frank Beamer and he smiled or yesterday when Bud Foster was one crosswalk over from where I was standing. This guy is AMAZING. Coach of VT’s special teams AND noted for being the force behind the #1 defense in the nation. I almost cried. FINALLY, of the 4 years...
Watch318 girls LOVE guys with a sense of humor… and of course, SHIRTLESS GUYS! This is probably the closest we’ll get to the Corps of Cadets showing up at our house naked.
Whore-o-ween, I mean Halloween.
That’s right fellow assholes, Halloween is right around the corner and that pretty much means one thing…
EVERY SKETCHBALL THAT PARTAKES IN THIS HOLIDAY IS INEVITABLY GOING TO GET SOME. When I say sketchball, this includes the kids that have never been kissed, the guys who have never been close enough to a boob to grab it… pretty much, EVERYONE! Remember when this use to be a...
318girls@gmail.com
Dear roomate,
It’s funny that you received an e-mail that commented on how bitchy we were… because I actually received one personally (shout out to anon asshole, i feel like you know who you are) that said I wasn’t bitchy enough…
I mean, maybe we should do a poll here. Should we turn up the bitchiness or should we turn up the bitchiness? Turning it down is not an...
it's okay...its superugo!!!!
So I went to visit ugo last weekend and that was pretty interesting. First off I would like to say that ugos although an extreme appreciative species of the male sex are still in fact males. What I mean is…they are still STUPID. For example, I called him a couple of days in advance to let him know I was visiting for the weekend…what does the idiot say? “Ummmm okay…well I...
complaint? EMAIL IT BITCH!
So today I received a complaint about how this blog really is just a giant bitchfest…well I’m here to say…that’s TOTALLY TRUE! I’m not going to deny it…we’re a bunch of whiny ass mofos and I’m sorry but life sometimes is not just a bowl of cherries, it’s a bowl of PITS as well. And what better way to deal with shitty days than to post it up so...
“How is it that there is a pop song about supermaning hos?”
– my guy friends who are in love with soulja boy
Just a thought...
John Legend is kind of awesome. By kind of I mean, he actually IS really awesome. I’m not one for music during sex because that is completely cheesy… but if the unfortunate had to occur, I would like John Legend’s latest CD to be on rotation.
Namely “PDA (We Just Don’t Care)” because it’s relevant and I’m kind of obsessed with this song right...
Yes, EVEN HITLER.
Uggggggggh grosss. I have some sad news for the readers of 318 girls…
#4 was creepy… therefore, I give up on guys for awhile.
Here’s what happened:
I go out with friends on Saturday to celebrate our win over Duke… you know… the one where they gave Sean effing Glennon the PLAYER OF THE GAME title? (Lame, on the SG call, awesome win though) Anyway, I’m out...
“I was really slutty sophomore year, but it was freezing outside so I’m...”
– 318 girl on the ghost of Halloween past (Sophomore year).
“As an emergent reality that destroys the natural state, modern society poses a...”
– From one of my Soc books “The Emergence of Sociological Theory” by Turner, Beeghley, & Powers.
A life of agonizing misery? GREAT! :)
Even Hitler had a girlfriend
So it is no secret that I am notoriously known to attract some interesting guys. Interesting usually in a bad way. My track record sucks, it’s no secret (gay guys, wannabe priests, un-priests). It’s my 4th year in college… this time around, I’m just trying to get things right. Whoever is next up has to be an awesome guy. He HAS to be or else I quit forever.
Too bad the...
“Check out fire crotch guy. Go talk to him and see if he wants to work here.”
– manager of Abercrombie once upon a sad sad time when I worked there over the headset.
Your suit sucks.
Great. Business horizons week/month is upon us and that means a few things. A bunch of creepy old guys recruiting on campus and women so frumpy you pledge NOW to never be like them. Additionally, this means that our peers will be walking around campus in suits and I am not one to diss any man in a suit but if you do decided you MUST wear one… please keep a few things in mind. The ultimate...
“How did you lose an alumni? You LOST a PERSON.”
– a friend after hearing about the fraternity semi-crisis
oh us young kids
I’m a bit surprised sometimes at the reaction people have to me just walking in a mall or entering a bar. For instance, I was in a mall at new jersey just picking out some clothes and some girl randomly walks up to me and goes “are you in high school?!” I just stared at her. First off I’m in college…an UPPER CLASSMAN in college so WTF? Second of all…it’s...